I rolled myself out of bed and got dressed in the closest thing that was already on my floor, J had his hospital appointment for his eyes today and I was determined to not be stressed. For choosing the ease in life I actually drove to the school and parked near by, my friend Helen also needed to go to the hospital for her post chemo blood tests and so after dropping Ky off to school, the 3 of us, Helen, J and I ventured to the hospital.
We arrived with no stress and took a slow walk to where we needed to be. I had decided that instead of putting J’s glasses on him I would keep them in my bag for safety and by safety I mean so he didn’t hide them! When we arrived I got then out to clean them and I had picked up the wrong fecking pair.. so he had his avengers frame with ONLY ONE lens!
I spent the rest of the appointment feeling like the worst and judged and the fact that his eye sight had actually got worst added to my paranoia that she probably thought he never wears his glasses! He usually wears them all the time it was just my overthinking of trying to keep them safe for the appointment and picking up the wrong ones. DAMN MY OVER THINKING.
What an utter dick, luckily I spoke to them and they were able to use the goggle things for him to continue his appointment and the nurse!? was actually really lovely!
After the appointment, Helen was waiting outside. I was explaining how he needed to use his eye patches and as I was explaining all the pent up blaming myself turned into a panic attack that I hid like a bad ass!
After I had dropped Helen home I was meant to take J to nursery, he asked if her could have the day off and to be honest that was music to my ears, all I wanted was cuddles with my little moo. We watched The witches, well some of it because he got a bit scared and wanted it off lol.
Andy collected Ky from school, I was so thankful as my whole body was sore. When he dropped him off I enticed them upstairs to my room with biscuits, I managed to get a bit of sleep whilst the PS4 played youtube. It meant that I was human enough to play a little in the garden with them before they went to bed.
When they were in bed I decided I would get a really hot bubbly bath, I lit a candle, I made a hot chocolate and I put an Abraham Hicks meditation on, it was a really good one that I have since tried to find to relisten and can’t. Typical.. Anyway I splashed in the bubbles and gave my inner child some happy energy, I listened to the spoken words and really felt them. I felt my energies changing whilst doing so it was a lovely feeling.
These happy moments always mean so much more when I am in a low, I am starting to get better and feeling them more when I am like it, it doesn’t stop the random bouts of tears
Now I have sat wasting away on the internet for ages, just wondering why my body is so sore, it is 11.29pm and I am going to go to bed soon. Hopefully the iron supplements I have started taking start to work and that was my issue. Also I am getting back into my Law of Attraction and Abraham Hicks teachings more, they are always an ease when Depression is being a cheese grater on my mind.
Day 31 of my 100 days of me and the best way I can describe myself is a fucking hot mess. Spent most of the day walking like I had shit myself because of the pain in my lower back and shoulders and neck and have no reason as to why, to add to it my whole body in general was achey and I just didn’t want to be awake. It was awesome! Anyhow, life must go on when you’re a mother.
Life is about losing the expectations
N’night Petals xxx