Not everything is as they seem, you might think you know someone but can you really believe you ever truly do?
These two weeks have blown my mind in how heartless people you thought you loved could be. Being more open about heart ache has allowed other women to open up to me about their current or previous heart ache and how hard it was for the to get through, and yet how much better their lives are for doing so.
I have learnt that many people think they are happy, they believe it, but actually all they are doing is trying to ensure everyone else is happy, and they are miserable.
I have learnt about Gas lighting.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilise the target and delegitimise the target’s belief.
And I have learn that getting to know yourself and who you are after so long is daunting and scary. That a relationship that you thought you were in with someone you wanted to spend your life with, with someone of whom you have been through so much with, with someone who you thought you would be with forever because they are your best friends is actually nothing, that all the love and care you thought you had and that you were clinging to, probably never even existed.
That the friends that stay around you despite knowing you are in a relationship that is tearing your soul away are liquid gold. And they will be the ones that hug you and put you together again, as will your family members that have been trying to get you to see what they could see for years. They won’t say ‘I told you so’ they know you know. And all they are is happy that they can be part of helping you to rebuild yourself and be involved in this new empowering, queenly chapter of your life.
It WILL be okay, because I have had so many power stories of empowered women who are now their best selves and will never lower their standards again!
You may only be a few weeks in, but your friends they will come back, feel free to reach out to them if you need them, and even make new friends. They world is your oyster baby! Also note, your close friends, if they have watched you deteriorate in a relationship. They will not let you feel sorry for yourself. They understand you grieve for the partner that you feel you lost, but these savage bitches know they have the chance to get the queen they once knew back., They want the best for you. Grieving for someone you thought you knew and them being someone different is painful, but nothing compared to how amazing you will feel when you get through it!
Setting big goals are important and keeping yourself on track regardless of life’s test shows your character. Because girl, you might get sad, you might feel alone, but then you better remember who the f**k you are an continue!
Life is much more fun when you are working towards the positives, I have chosen my dream car and last week took the boys to go and visit it. The lovely staff in the showroom gave me a keyring and now I have a fabulous Mini Keyring on my lovely old Ford fiesta’s keys. She’s a lovely old lady and I need a new man in my life! So I feel it will have to be the Mini Cooper Countryman! to make it that little bit more me, you can get roof tents for them! It is definitely a motor vehicle that was made for me.
I have spoken to a few people during these two weeks where there ex partners have withheld pets, even sold on them. I am absolutely so grateful that although I am not in the position to have my cats right now, they are being well cared for. I am paying for their well being and I await the day that I can have my long awaited cat cuddle nap. Thank you to my cat keepers it means so much!
This spurs me on to get us our beautiful new family home that we deserve even more so. My sons will have their own bedroom and we can just get on with being our best selves. At the moment I am living in my parents house in a box room with my two sons on a bunk bed, this is of course temporary and isn’t the best but how lucky I am to have somewhere safe and warm and supportive for us to go during this time.
They are really excited to have their own rooms and I am doing what I can every day to keep progressing to what I know we want and deserve. Tony Robbins and Grant Cardone and two of my go to motivational speakers. They fact that they both came through such horrendous times to where they both are now and how they want to inspire others really keeps me going.
Sometimes the hardest thing you have to learn is that you are no longer there to catch people when you fall, that no matter how much you want to, it just is not your job anymore. Although this is freeing, and wow my stress levels have dropped so much. I’m not on any of my anxiety medication and I am really starting to enjoy all around me. It is also painful to watch someone you have cared about for so long doing exactly what you know they would do.
With you not being there to tell them what they say is unacceptable. To tell them they are stepping over the line and to basically just help them to be a more reasonable human being. When there is no one to catch them. They fall. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, if you were the peacekeeper, the friend maker, the happy place, eventually they will realise that is what you were. The person who always tried to make everything better, to stop things before they got too bad and you…
My darling, you will be free of the hurt and the pain. Left only to deal with your own emotions and to heal yourself. This too soon shall pass and the world will be your playground!
I have been using my Facebook page a lot more recently and speaking to a few of your about your experiences and coping and such, and basically just how you are living your best Queen lives! If you would like to join in: A New Addition